We all have gone through it – the first year of unsuccessful trying, the dreaded doctor visits later, the numerous treatments, the temple visits, the stress on the body and mind, the irritating constant questions from the society and finally facing the reality.
Not being able to bear a child for any reason whatsoever takes a toll on not just our body but moreover our mind loses the peace! The irony for some couples is when the doctor announces it is ‘unexplained infertility’. Is that a joke? What is one supposed to make out of it?
I have gone through it all.
The pestering of the society asking for good news.
“Hey people go get a life for yourself, instead of poking your nose in my home“
The everyone around you getting pregnant -siblings, cousins, friends, neighbors and who not! People not wanting a kid getting pregnant!
“God has a way to hurt you at places, no one else can do“
The never ending blood tests and the painful invasive vaginal tests. The sonographies saying “Your egg is enlarged, there is a good chance of conceiving if you have intercourse today”.
“Sure it is, but sex has become a baby making mechanism with no more love in it. Do I really want to have meaningless and emotionless sex today with my husband just because my egg is enlarged?“
Do a pooja in this temple and you will see the results!
“Ya right, after hurting me from left right and centre finally He will grant me what I want?“
3 years of trying and doing whatever possible did not give me a child. I stopped living my life. Every month I thought I was pregnant and I stopped having Chinese food, I stopped my gym, I stopped having the cup of coffee, I stopped watching loud movies, I stopped reading mystery novels……in short I just stopped living!
Every month I cried at the first sight of blood in the bathroom. Every day I struggled to wake up and start my day. Every day my life became hell.
But then, one day I thought it was enough. A life without a child is better than being dead! A life without a child is better than being handicapped! A life without a child is better than being homeless! A life without a child is better than not having a dream to pursue!
And then I restarted my life ‘without a child’. I did not focus all my energies and my efforts on having a child. Instead I took up a dream, pursued it and became ‘alive’ again.
To every woman out there struggling this battle – Do not let having a child or not having a child define you. Do not let having a child be your sole focus in life! Do not let society to bog you down for this reason! Do not let your married life suffer because of an absence of a child! Do not stop living in order to have a child.
Life is short and live it to the fullest. Rise and Shine! Don’t run after a mirage, instead make the most of what you have in your hands currently! Go, follow your dream!
A Woman of Dreams