‘Marriages are made in heaven‘, this may or may not be true, but one thing is for sure, if a couple has a right attitude and openness to look into their relationship, then they can surely find heaven in their marriage. However, a general upward trend can be observed today in married couples getting separated. This can be seen in all strata of society and also in different age groups, albeit for varied reasons.
Stylewhack with the expertise of Mr. Shivaji Atre, Marriage Counsellor sheds some light on the common reasons for this trend of separation and why is it ok to get help from a Marriage Counsellor in this situation –
Reasons for Broken Marriage
Divorce/separation through legal proceeding is one aspect but it is pertinent to note that the actual separation starts much before this, which is ‘the mental/emotional separation‘. This needs to be addressed. Different reasons for the mental/emotional separation among others include emotional incompatibility, or inability to understand the spouse from their frame of reference. Sexual incompatibility with the spouse due to want of knowledge or which often arises out of confusion. Gender role confusion can also form a turbulence in a married life. Men’s oppression and women’s oppression can play a major role in marital turmoil.
The Role of a Marriage Counsellor
So the question is, can these situations be prevented and if not then can they be addressed? And the answer is yes! This is where a counsellor comes into picture. A counsellor is a person who is very sensitive towards the emotions felt by the client. How one feels is more important than what happened, and that is where the counsellor will focus more. It is not the counsellor’s job to save the marriage or to break it but to help the client to understand what they want and what is needed to be done.
From Fights to a Common Ground
Many times couples are found to enter a boxing ring and play a bout against each other, where every punch hurled at each other is a stressor in marriage. In this case no matter who wins, both the players are bound to get hurt. In fact the right attitude will be to consider it as mixed doubles tennis match, where the couple is playing it together as a team against those stressors. In this case no matter how hard the opponent is, the couple can enjoy the game together and if played with patience and practice, can easily win it too. A counsellor can help a couple to turn a boxing bout into a tennis match.
The Timing Matters
It is important to note that for counselling to be most effective, it should not be used as a last resort to save a marriage. If a couple approaches a counsellor sooner, the counsellor and the couple can get better time, space and chance to work on the issues. Please keep in mind that that ‘counselling’ is not going to approach couples to ask them to take help. In the end, it is the couples who will have to take that one step and make the most use of counselling.
If you are facing marital woes, then approach a Marriage Counsellor with an open mind. The stigma associated with counselling is reducing each passing day and a Counsellor is the one who can help you sort out your relationship. Pick up the phone and make that appointment today!
About the Author –
|A Master in Laws and a Master in Psychology, Shivaji Atre is also a vivid trekker at heart. A warm welcoming smile equipped with empathy and love he believes that it is a reason for human behavior which needs to be addressed rather than the individual. With this vision in mind he has co-founder at Vimarsh Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre, Pune.|