Wife says to husband: I am going mad, I need a break, lets go somewhere. I really need a break. I’m so fed up with these mommy duties, house duties, job. I really need a break. Just one day free of all this!
Husband ignores this plea for almost 3 weeks.
At the end of 3 weeks, the wife is bawling: I need a breeeaaaaaakkkkkkkkkk …
Husband: Why are you over reacting? You need a break?? Ok take the next Sunday for your self. Go out and enjoy. Watch a movie, have lunch with friends. I will handle the kid and the house for the WHOLE freaking day.
Peace is maintained in the house, where a few seconds back, even a monkey’s fart could have ended the 7 year long marriage.
3 days to go for the “ALONE TIME DAY OUT”
Husband: What time will you be leaving? Why so early? What time will you be back? Why so late? What are you going to do the entire day? Oh watch a movie? Which one? Oh that? I really wanted to see that but tickets are so expensive, that’s why I am not watching it.
Wife: (stares blankly at her husband while trying to count reverse from 100 and thinking)Breathe in, breathe out. Think about your happy place. OM!!
2 days to go for the “OUTING”
Husband starts getting more and more angry and short tempered with the kid.
Husband (To the kid): Kiddo, stop doing that, don’t do that, I will slap you if you do that. Why the hell won’t you listen to me? I will give you a chocolate if you listen to me. Just shut the fish up.
Husband(To wife): See, she just won’t listen to me. I just can’t handle her.
And more such yelling from the dad accompanied by bawling from the kid.
Wife : (counts up to 1,00,000 while all her practiced philosophies about gentle parenting, healthy eating, non hitting fly out of the window )
1 day to go for the outing
Husband gets a reddish tinge in the eye.
Husband: I need to get it checked. What if its pink eye? My throat is paining. Maybe I have throat infection. Hope I don’t pass it on to the kid. By the way you will bathe the kid before leaving on you “kid duty free” day, right? And also you will cook for her before you leave right?
Wife can see her day of peace slipping through her desperate fingers. But she holds on. A new level of sainthood attained on the way.
On D DAY
Kid can sense that her prisoner (her mommy) is going to escape somehow and decides to strengthen her defense of the prison, by following the prisoner all over the house (Yes, the loo too).
Husband: See how she is following you around. She is going to miss her mommy so much. But you don’t feel guilty. Go out and enjoy. Both of us will manage being alone in the house without you. (All this done with such supreme subtlety that only a wife can see through the barricade of genuineness into the guilt inducing, and intentionally so words).
Wife (In her mind): Breatheeeee in. And outtttt. Breatheeeeee.
Finally the child is bathed, lunch is cooked. And the wife is out of the door. Freedom at last.
By around mid day, the wife starts feeling the guilt of the husbands parting words, and she wanders into a shop determined to buy something for her beloved, self sacrificing, supportive husband. She calls him to check how things are going on.
Husband: Oh we came to your mom’s place some time back. I have dropped the kid there and I am going out now. See you in the night 🙂