No relationship will ever coast along without friction as human nature will ensure there are inevitable ups and downs. Whether you’ve been going out for a while or met fairly recently on a flirting site, any couple can succumb to a rocky patch. Recovering from those arguments, then making up again, can bring partners closer.
But many take this too far, actually breaking up for a while before reconciling. In some instances, this on-again, off-again scenario can become a regular derailment. If this is the case, you really need to face up to the facts. Perhaps this situation is never going to end. Here are four signs a relationship has become so toxic you both need to walk away.
There is never any analysis of issues
An on-and-off relationship can become a real merry-go-round, with both parties falling into the routine of accepting the way things seem to pan out. They might temporarily relish the times they are apart, but for any number of reasons, they always find an excuse to get back together again. A key aspect of this is undoubtedly the familiarity. Their ex-partner is someone they can always rely upon, almost like an emotional crutch. And the prospect of makeup sex will always be a potent allure. But you will be condemned to keep escaping then sliding back into an emotional black hole if you repeat this behavior ad infinitum without ever trying to understand the reasons why you simply don’t gel.
You have differing agendas
A common reason why partnerships regularly fall apart only to find temporary reconciliation is when the parties have very different outlooks. Differences of opinion in the shorter-term can usually be glossed over, especially if there are regular periods when the partners are not even on speaking terms (since having opposing viewpoints does require communicating this to the other party!) But in a healthier relationship, finding common ground is part of the bond that keeps couples together. If there is continual disagreement about where your relationship is heading, it’s no wonder the wheels come loose long before the journey can even get underway.
You end up going out for the wrong reasons
The problem with getting back together again after a breakup is people often end up back in each other’s arms for all the wrong reasons. It is not because they have had a moment of epiphany, characterized by a frank exchange of views, and an agreement to put historic issues far behind in order to enjoy a contented future. Alas, it’s usually the case they have been drawn back to their ex because whatever happened in the meantime didn’t work out. But simply getting back together because it is a habit you have grown used to is no sound basis for a fulfilling partnership.
The mistakes leading to the breakups are never sorted
Couples do regularly go through the whole on-again and off-again routine because can seem to be easier to fall back on a familiar relationship rather than face up to the emotional drama of striving to connect with a new one. You already know so much about your partner, and getting in touch with them again is simply a case of dropping a text, or turning up at the pub where you are used to hanging out together. But this makes for a very superficial connection. You need to ask yourself why you are continually breaking up, rather than accepting the fact it seems so convenient to get back together again. Love should never be about accepting the most convenient option.